Until next time

So it’s about two weeks since my BFN. Or AF. Whatever you want to call it.

Things have not been good. Or rather my mental state has not been good. I took a week off work, it was semi-planned. The first day off I just felt exhausted and didn’t do much, except for have a 3 hour afternoon nap. The next day I woke up, I felt terrible. As in, mind-numbingly depressed. I spent most of the day in bed moping. I think I would’ve done the same the day after that, but todsy walked in our room in the morning and threw up in our bed – twice. So that woke me up and got me into action.

Anyway, I told hubby that I was feeling depressed and needed help. To generalise, in typical male fashion, he wasn’t great at empathising and understanding the problem. And got frustrated because I couldn’t tell him how to “fix it”. So a week of ups and downs later, we ended up pretty frustrated and pissed off with each other. This was on the back of 3 years of not really being able to take care of each other properly because of the focus on IVF.

We kind of had it out this morning, in a productive manner though. Finally managed to talk a few things through without accusing each other of this and that. And then we saw our doc for a follow up session.

He basically told us that we’ve just about reached the point where they would recommend that we start looking at other solutions, i.e. donor eggs, sperm and uteri. And that we’ve done all the investigations possible to try to work out what the issue is, but that really, they just don’t have an answer as to why it hasn’t worked.

We said that we wouldn’t go to the extreme of finding donor anythings in our situation (i.e. we already have a child). So he recommended that we try one more [something] cycle – a non-antagonist cycle. I can’t remember what it’s called. But he says that’s the only direction that we haven’t fully interrogated (last time we did it we ended up with no embryos available for transfer).

We also mentioned that we needed a break and that we’d come back to him when we were ready. He suggested that around July/August would be good, as that would be after the European IVF conferences, where new research would be presented. So I guess that works for us.

I think hubby and I are on the mends now. We really thinking hard on what we actually want out of life. Throwing lots of money down the drain and countless unsuccessful IVF cycles and hitting complete rock bottom helps with that! Seachange is on the list!

Until next time.

Hope all of you lovely ladies currently preggers, doing the 2WW or gearing for all of that keep well. Hopefully next time  I log on you’ll all have abandoned me, being on your merry way to a happy, healthy and successful pregnancy.

Much love xo


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