Zzz….

Wow. Really noticing the effects of the drugs this time around. At least I assume it’s the drugs.

I went to bed around two hours earlier than usual last night, woke up at a normal time, just had a nanna nap – still feeling tired. Another 5 injections until my first pre-transfer scan. I hope it goes quickly!

Two down, how many more to go?

Two jabs down. Last night’s one was better. Hubby forgot that I had to do them again. And was too tired to be with me when I was going to do them. So I sat in bed and refused to do them until he brought the needle to me. I know, I know, I’m being a little shit.

And then it hurt! Blood came out (like, a teeny, tiny dot).

It’s been a crazy week at work. I was left off the new org chart (after going through over 12 months of restructure negotiations), was told I’d remain “invisible” as it was not my substantive position. Long story, don’t worry about it. But let’s just say, what a load of bull. That’s the dumbest made-up-on-the-spot excuse that I’ve ever heard. Then our acting CEO, who we, my team, reports directly to, went elsewhere. We got a new acting CEO. Rumours are flying around that we’ll have another restructure in April this year (yes, we just had a big one, on the back of another major one 3 years ago), which is why we only have acting CEOs at the moment. I met with my GM from my substantive position, who knows what I want, but can’t do anything about it coz her hands are tied.

The mother-in-law continues to rock up at 6:45am, despite us saying, “sleep in, come at 7:30am.” Keeps giving me running commentary about nothing as I try to get ready in the morning. And keeps making our bed! Yes, first world problems. But please, mother-in-law, don’t come into our room and make our bed – it’s weird!

My mood is ok. I think I’m staying relatively positive despite crazy hormones, consuming too much sugar (made a batch of rocky road on Tuesday night) and todsy constantly wanting to play.

Another 6 nights until my first scan. I hope I’ve developed early this time around and don’t have to wait another 2 weeks for the transfer.

 

First jab

Last night was a tough one. It was night one of probably 10 nights of jabs? I just didn’t want to do it. Hubby didn’t help. He’s just returned to work and was in “work is tough, I  need to relax mode” – so generally ignoring the world. Including bubsy. Who’s really more todsy now.  And who just wanted me to play, play, play.

Anyway, had a bit of a hissy fit. There were tears. Told hubby that I didn’t want another child for me to pick up after  (i.e. him, todsy, the dog and a new baby). He was so out of touch with helping someone through  a down period (I’d been telling him for a week that I was feeling depressed), that he didn’t really say anything  apart from “if you don’t want to do the injections then don’t do them.” So I went to bed. Then he was like, “just snap out of it.”

*big eye roll*

Basically I had to tell him that the thing to do was to bring the injections to me (to date I’ve always done them myself – he’s often not even remembered that I have to do them and doesn’t even realise that I have done them), treat me like a princess and be encouraging.

Yes, I was being a whiny shit, but sometimes that’s ok! Especially when I’m not usually like that.

Anyway, I did the jab. Whinged some more. Then hubby said, “don’t do this to my head right now.” So I pulled out my book and didn’t speak to him again.

So, there’s a lot of stakeholder and community engagement involved in my work. Plus dealing with my crazy family. And you know, sometimes all you need to do is listen to the other person whinge, let them get it all out and then acknowledge that they’re feeling shit. That’s all. And I’ve told hubby that this is all I want when I get into a mood.

Anyway, got up extra early today and left for work half an hour earlier than ususal as to avoid the mother-in-law. Yesterday she arrived at 6:45am to babysit todsy. We didn’t need her until 7:30am. Last night I had to ask her if she was carrying a bag of rubbish. Then told her to leave it instead of taking it home with her, along with the esky of food and drink that she brings as not to use our food and drink and inconvenience us.

I know, she’s doing us a favour (only partially, but I won’t go into that here too!), but she’s a lot to deal with! Especially when I’m feeling  a bit down.

Sorry for the pessimistic blog. Just not feeling it today!

Old wives tales…

I’m not sure if I’ve touched on any of the crazy things that my mum’s previously told me. But they never get old! They certainly get tiring. As much as they are funny (in hindsight!), they are so over-the-top frustrating that when I hear them, anger starts to boil inside of me and I really have to concentrate as not to let myself explode in a raging tirade. Phew!

How did this come about? I just stumbled across this: 14 Fantastic Pregnancy Myths From Around The World.

Outrageous statements that I’ve had to personally endure:

Instructions whilst pregnant:

  • Don’t eat watermelon (can’t remember why)
  • Don’t eat or drink anything cold (bad for you and the baby)
  • Just eat two boiled eggs a day, it’s better than those folate tablets (seriously???? WTF????)
  • Don’t have soy sauce (it’ll make your baby’s skin dark)

Instructions post-labour:

  • Don’t wash your hair for 10 days (think it stemmed from the days when bathing water wasn’t always hygienic and was actually potentially harmful to the mother)
  • Don’t leave the house for one month
  • Don’t do any housework, or anything really, for one month (as lovely as this would be, it’s not practical!)

Instructions for getting pregnant (these comments have more so been made to me when discussing the fertility of other family members – which, yes, is another frustrating-as-hell activity):

  • Context: my mother explaining to me how M got pregnant:
    • Don’t drink cold water. You know, M used to drink a glass of chilled water every morning. But then my friend told me that that’s really bad for your body and makes you infertile. So I told M. So she stopped drinking it straight away and fell pregnant within a month.
  • Context: my mother questioning me about whether G was pregnant yet – at this point G had been trying for 6 months and unbeknownst to us, when this conversation happened, she was actually in early pregnancy…
    • Well, does G drink a cold water? Because…
    • Mum! That’s not true! If it was true, it’d be a public health announcement and doctors and official health bodies would tell people!!! Besides, I drank cold water all along and have never stopped!
    • Well,  it’s different for us because we can get pregnant very quickly **omg, ripping my hair out**… besides, those “gwai lo” doctors don’t know these things. Then why is it taking her so long?
    • Mum! Doctors tell you to try for one year before seeking additional advice, because statistically that’s how long it can take to get pregnant.
  • Context: my know-it-all uncle giving us a biology lesson after M had miscarried. I seriously wanted to punch him after he said…
    • Yeah, there’s bad blood in her family, that’s why she miscarried, and why it’s taken so long for her sister-in-law to have a baby. (So, so wrong on so many levels.)

Instructions for caring for your newborn and in the first year:

  • You need to put a weight over the baby’s body to keep them calm when they sleep. (Um, SIDs anyone?)
  • You need to give him barley water because he is too “yeet hei“. (In reference to the whitenesss that newborns often have on their tongues.)
  • They can’t eat rice because their digestive systems aren’t developed yet. You have to give them congee.
  • You’ve got add salt – otherwise the food will be bland.
  • You have to cut the crusts of the bread, they can’t digest it.
  • You have to give him a dummy, it’s not good for him to cry. (I’d just like to clarify, I never left my child to cry uncontrollably – this was in the context of me sitting next right beside him and trying to get him to settle.)
  • Oh, you’ve got to get his fingers out of his mouth, they’re dirty! (When my son was a young baby he actually learnt to self settle once he found his own fingers – seriously, what crazy new mother is not going to let her baby self settle in case of dirty baby fingers. Dirty from what? Being swaddled up in a muslim wrap?)

There’s more. Of course there’s more. But we don’t have all day!

If you haven’t picked up, I am of Chinese heritage, living in the Western world. So along with crazy old wives tales, I also have to deal with outrageous Chinese bluntness (and ill-informed advice). Sigh.

What crazy stories, unhelpful advice, or downright insensitive things has your mother told you?!

Pros and cons of this cancelled transfer

Pros:

  • No 2WW
  • I can eat and drink whatever I want until my next Day 1 (Hello second coffee! I know, so hardcore, right? Or so not hardcore, given that the doc gave me the all clear to have up to two coffees a day anyway.)
  • No having to try to hide the fact that I am (technically) pregnant from family, which would have been particularly difficult for me to do over the next few weeks as I’m helping my parents do the heavy lifting this Sunday for their house move and we’ve got a few big family dos (and lots of pregnancy-food-no-nos coming up).
  • Gives me at least one more month to try to secure my current job permanently
  • Still have two healthy embryos in the bank

Cons:

  • No transfer
  • No “instant pregnancy”, even if it’s a 2WW pregnancy
  • Impending period
  • Got to wait for next Day 1
  • Need to carry on with life (at work and socially) as if there is nothing wrong, even though I am sad
  • Another round of injections for the next transfer attempt

I guess this time around I’m actually not that sad. I almost have no feeling. Is that a worse emotional state to be in? When you’ve had 3 years of setbacks, as we have had, you kind of just approach the whole thing in a very clinical way. Coz seriously, life has to move on. IVF just becomes another “task” that you do as part of your daily life.

So, I guess it’s not so bad. I’ll get pregnant when I do, and when I do I can start doing pregnancy fun things, like, buying teeny tiny baby clothes and sustainable organic cotton wraps, planning out the 1st b’day party, getting hubby to drive out a wee hours to buy me chicken nuggets. It’ll be great!

Transfer #4 – attempt 2 – cancelled :(

It’s return to school and germ season. I have hand, foot and mouth disease. For some reason I am one of those adults who can’t develop an immunity to it. I suspect that I got it from my nephew last week. He’s about 1.5 years into childcare, so still in that germy-runny-nose phase.

Anyway, my transfer was scheduled for this Thursday. I even had it specifically scheduled for Thursday, because I had an all day site visit on the Wednesday.

I started feeling sick on Saturday – sore throat and stuffy nose. Blisters appeared over the next few days. I rang the doc today, who said that we definitely need to cancel it. So all over. Again.

Site visit also cancelled as tomorrow is forecast to be 41 degrees Celsius – to hot to spend 6 hours trekking around the paddocks. Now I’m trying to decide whether to stay home or not. Problem is, we had already organised for the MIL to care for bubsy. And believe me, it is far too much of a drama to cancel on her. And I don’t want to “relax” at home with her around. It would not be relaxing.

Anyway, I don’t seem to feel sad. I guess I suspected that the transfer would be cancelled for a couple of days now. And seriously, when you’ve had this many setbacks, a transfer cancellation does not seem like an issue at all!

Guess I definitely won’t have a second baby with the same birthday as me.