The rage

This is my fifth month in a row of being off the pill, which prior to IVF I had been taking for years. Turns out that the pill did a lot for me apart from birth control! My biggest struggle is dealing with PMS, the symptoms of which seem to be getting stronger and stronger each month. The rage is the worst!

So normally the day before Aunty Flo arrives, the tiniest thing can set me off. Let’s say, for example, a few months ago my MIL kept asking bubsy if he wanted some OJ when he had clearly said no and clearly was not interested – that set me off! [Ha! To clarify, I was annoyed at my MIL was pestering him. And I must also say, it wasn’t just that alone, it was a series of little things and that was the final straw.] Well, I mean, I contained it coz I would never lose it in front of other people (aside from poor hubby), but I had this overwhelming rage wash over me, which was the sure sign that time that my period was coming and that the transfer hadn’t worked.

Anyway, a few days ago I had the rage, which really confused me as I knew that my period wasn’t due for another week. So part of me was wondering if I had got it wrong with the dates (and let’s just say, I know my cycle very well now!), or if my body had decided to mix things up and had asked Aunty Flo to pop around earlier. But no, it’s just part of my PMS. I’ve been raging for a week.

It’s tiring. And probably very trying for hubby. He hasn’t spoken to me since dinner. I didn’t even lose it or anything, i was just being tired and grumpy – I could list out all the little things that had annoyed me after I got home from work, but I think you get the picture of how this rage thing works.

So I think it’s probably another 6 days until my period, at which point i can call up to book in my next round (IVF #5, anyone?). PMS or not, I’ve been speculating about what we’re gonna do if it doesn’t work again.

I hope it’s just PMS. I hate feeling this angry and mopey all the time.


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