Egg collection #5 – booked in!

Ok, IVF cycle #5 has commenced. I started on the pill about a week ago. I only have to be on it for a few weeks, meaning I’ll get my bleed around the time I would normally get it – so at least I shouldn’t go too crazy just on the pill this time around!

So it’s all going to get a bit hectic soon. We are moving house in 10 days. Hubby is going in for his surgery a few days after that. Then I’ll start my injections. Then I have my surgery. I’m going to have to work in between. Continue pushing for a promotion at work. Find some time to organise something for Bubsy’s b’day. And then there’ll (hopefully) be a FET after that.

It’s all happening!

Life is good.

Fetal heart block and tears

I had another information overload/stress cry today. I saw a specialist on a referral from my IVF doc, after my last bloods came up with a few surprises. The specialist said that there were three potential issues that could affect my offspring:

1. Dry eyes

2. Rashes (that would go away after a few months following birth)

3. Heart block (1% chance)

But as my first child is free from any of the above, it’s likely that in the next pregnancy there would be no issue. But if there were a heart block issue, it could be treated with a pacemaker. That’s when the tears came – the thought of there being a 1% chance that a child of mine would develop another heart condition that would need pacing.

I know it’s a low number, but I feel like our family has a tendency to sit in those <1% chance of this happening or that happening. And I know it’s not a rational thought, but two years of IVF set backs does not exactly make it easier for me to deal with more bad news – even if it’s just a potential for bad news.

Anyway, nothing for us to do about it now. But when I am pregnant (fingers crossed), we’ll have to do either weekly or fortnightly ultrasounds from 20 weeks onwards to monitor the fetal heart beat. So it’s still all in the distant future. I’m sure the surprise and shock from all this will dissipate over the next few days (to rear it’s ugly head again when I am pregnant!).

I was meant to be the physically healthy one with no worries about handing down genes.

Four more days until Aunty Flo arrives. Counting down.

 

The rage

This is my fifth month in a row of being off the pill, which prior to IVF I had been taking for years. Turns out that the pill did a lot for me apart from birth control! My biggest struggle is dealing with PMS, the symptoms of which seem to be getting stronger and stronger each month. The rage is the worst!

So normally the day before Aunty Flo arrives, the tiniest thing can set me off. Let’s say, for example, a few months ago my MIL kept asking bubsy if he wanted some OJ when he had clearly said no and clearly was not interested – that set me off! [Ha! To clarify, I was annoyed at my MIL was pestering him. And I must also say, it wasn’t just that alone, it was a series of little things and that was the final straw.] Well, I mean, I contained it coz I would never lose it in front of other people (aside from poor hubby), but I had this overwhelming rage wash over me, which was the sure sign that time that my period was coming and that the transfer hadn’t worked.

Anyway, a few days ago I had the rage, which really confused me as I knew that my period wasn’t due for another week. So part of me was wondering if I had got it wrong with the dates (and let’s just say, I know my cycle very well now!), or if my body had decided to mix things up and had asked Aunty Flo to pop around earlier. But no, it’s just part of my PMS. I’ve been raging for a week.

It’s tiring. And probably very trying for hubby. He hasn’t spoken to me since dinner. I didn’t even lose it or anything, i was just being tired and grumpy – I could list out all the little things that had annoyed me after I got home from work, but I think you get the picture of how this rage thing works.

So I think it’s probably another 6 days until my period, at which point i can call up to book in my next round (IVF #5, anyone?). PMS or not, I’ve been speculating about what we’re gonna do if it doesn’t work again.

I hope it’s just PMS. I hate feeling this angry and mopey all the time.