Filter-less friends

The hangover effect: I must rant on.

“…I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through IVF and that it hasn’t been working out…. no one should have to be patient with that….”

What are you sorry for exactly? Sorry that we are going through IVF? Or sorry that we carry a genetic condition that can result in, statistically speaking, half of our children inheriting the incurable and life threatening disease? Or sorry that Hubby already has this condition? Or are you sorry that it hasn’t been working out?

And if you had asked me, which you haven’t, even though I told this information to your wife in confidence and you deemed it appropriate to feed it back through to my Hubby at your own son’s christening, I am not sorry that we are doing IVF. IVF means that we can have children free from a life threatening condition. IVF means that many other people have the chance to try for children, where that possibility wouldn’t have existed for them otherwise. We’re not there yet, but it doesn’t mean it’s “not working out”. Do you have any idea what it’s even taken for us to get to this point? We have so far spent more time doing genetic testing than we have the actual IVF process – so really, we’re only part of our way there.

Do you even know what emotional turmoil IVF puts you through? Do you know what it’s like to deal with having a life threatening condition, which only deteriorates over time? Perhaps you do? I wouldn’t know. But I wouldn’t presume to know how you feel and then to give you unsolicited opinions what you should or should not have to deal with IF you had confided to me about it. I definitely wouldn’t bring it up if I had heard about something personal to do with you through the grapevine.

Ok, rant over.

Other hangover effects. I woke up so angry this morning. Hubby has been angry all yesterday afternoon and this morning. We didn’t even speak to each other this morning. I’m not even particularly angry or offended that this particular insensitive and ignorant d* actively sought out to speak to Hubby about us doing IVF. I’m just kind of surprised that he would be so stupid and completely lacking in EQ. But it’s made an already difficult week even harder.

I think I’ve been coping with it better than Hubby. Note the word “coping” and not “dealing” – we are just coping. Hubby has severe guilts, he feels that it is his fault that we are doing IVF, his fault that so many of the embryos that we have been able to test have been affected and that it’s his fault that we are using an “unnatural” process to have a child.

Of course it’s not Hubby’s fault, but it is how he feels.

It’s not all terrible. It’s extremely emotionally taxing. But we still find happy moments throughout the day. Yesterday while blow drying my hair, Bubsy suddenly says to me: “Hey Mummy, you look pretty cool!” Lol! We also watched Modern Family together and giggled at all the funny bits, even though I’m pretty sure Bubsy only really understood the bits of dialogue about Jay’s birthday.

8:15am catch up with Doc tomorrow. I really hope Hubby feels better after it.


2 thoughts on “Filter-less friends

  1. Good luck to you guys. That’s brutal for someone to bring this up with you who hasn’t been directly put in the loop by either you or your honey. Worse still is he put the conversation on his emotional schedule, maybe pulling you out of wherever you were at and that’s not fair of him.

    I hope you don’t mind me commenting, I am in a similar but different boat and found your post the other day. From an outsider’s perspective, it seems that you and your honey are doing a really good job of supporting each other.


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