Round 3 – Day 14 – Devastated, defeated, on a chocolate binge…

So I was expecting a phone call from the lab this morning. From experience, they normally call around 8-8:30am. I had a very boring probity training meeting to go to this morning at 8am, so I made sure that I sat at the back of the room so that I could make a quick exit if the phone rang. Of course they changed up the “ends” of the room, so suddenly I was at the front. Not only that, the path to the new “back” was a bit congested.

Anyway, spot on, around 8:30am I got a phone call on my mobile. Funnily enough it wasn’t from a private number like it normally was. So I just cancelled the phone call. But then I thought better and googled the number – it had come from my doctor’s office. I didn’t think much of it, until I got another call. Again, I couldn’t get out of the meeting room, so had to cancel the phone call. By then I started getting that uneasy feeling… ‘Hmm, why is the phone call coming from the doctor’s office and not the lab? Is she calling to tell me that it hasn’t work again?!’

By this stage I was getting super anxious and couldn’t wait for the meeting to be over. As soon as it was I rang the doc’s office. Of course the phone kept being engaged. By the time I got through, I was told by reception that she was seeing a patient and that she had a question that she wanted to ask me. Deep down I knew what the question was: “We only got 1 or 2 eggs, do you want to proceed with the genetic testing?”

Anyway, the doc called me back pretty quickly. The results? Only four eggs fertilised and only one embryo was suitable for testing. Sigh. I teared up pretty quickly, the doc could tell over the phone. We had a chat about what I wanted to do, I had 30 minutes to make a decision. Rang and texted hubby, he rang back. We decided to go ahead with the testing. So the two frozen embryos we have would have been taken out at 10am this morning for thawing. If they survive the thawing, then we’ll have three eggs in total for testing. I did a few calcs – we have a 42% chance of getting pregnant (2 embryos with 90% chance of surviving thawing, combined with one fresh embryo; each have 50% of being WPW free; and 30% of any embryo transfer resulting in a successful pregnancy).

I teared up a few more times in the morning. It’s just so emotionally draining. I mean, this time around I honestly went into it with no expectations and being relaxed. But I guess when you’re dealt with less than ideal news, it still gets to you. I mean, it’s our third cycle, it’s taken well over a year to even get to this point, and we still don’t know if we’ll be successful this time around.

Only a few people saw me being teary at work and only one knew what was going. Not that I feel embarrassed about crying at work – not at this age anyway!

Despite yesterday’s craziness at work, today was a quiet one. I organised to dial in to a meeting that I have this afternoon and came home. Did a bit of grocery shopping, including the all important Cinnamon Pana Chocolate (I normally get mint, but they only had the cinnamon in stock today!), and then cooked myself up a breakfast for lunch – two poached eggs on an english muffin with a bean, corn and raw beetroot salad with pepita seeds. Fancy, hey?

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I had my brekkie-lunch out on the deck with a tall glass of pulpy orange juice (can’t stand the pulp free kind!) and with my trashy-but-easy-to-read romantic comedy e-book. Today can only get better, hey?

Anyway, I guess I’ll find out tomorrow if any of the embryos tested to be free from WPW and if I’ll be going in on Thursday for an embryo transfer. Fingers crossed.

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