I am feeling terribly defeated this week. It’s been a tough few months and it all got worse last week. Last week I developed ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome after my egg collection surgery. I couldn’t sleep at night because it hurt so much and I spent my days moping about at work and trying not to vomit.

I also got a phone call from my IVF doctor three days after the egg collection. She never calls me directly unless there’s bad news. She called to tell me that of the 17 eggs they collected, only one developed into a healthy embryo. We can’t try to transfer that embryo into me yet, not until it’s been tested for Wolff Parkinson White syndrome. The doctor has advised against testing until we can collect more eggs and, hopefully, create a few more healthy embryos.

The worst of it all has been the past six months of my terrible mood swings. I’m not someone who swears, ever. In the past six months I’ve told hubby to f-off and that he’s a f-ing this and that multiple times. Last week he finally cracked it and said some not-so-nice things back to me. It was all behind closed doors – we had family from overseas staying with us at the same time.

My ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome went away and I was able to call the IVF clinic to arrange my next and third round of treatment. This time we have to wait eight weeks before we can do an egg collection.

Hubby and I are ok again now. But we are feeling utterly defeated.


2 thoughts on “Defeated

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling defeated. Times are tough but you have got a great support system. You’re also trying to make a baby. The fact that you guys didn’t give up whenever times were tough with that situation shows me that you guys just cant be defeated. Yes, you can feel it but when you look at how far you’ve come it’s obvious that you’re not.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh I hear you! I had zero of 15 fertilize, and the hormone hangover after retrieval was awful. It took me over a week to start feeling somewhat normal again. I was angry, irritable & devastated. I’m glad to hear my experience wasn’t unique, despite it being really shitty that so many of us have to go through it. I wish you the best for your next treatment. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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